The Lady Tries

I am very much in love with my wife. Terry and I will have been married 16 years this November 22, 2007. Rather than get all caught up in a love letter, there are characteristics people exhibit that that define their "style." One of the words that exemplify one of the characteristics I admire is summed up the phrase "she tries."

It has taken me some time to explain the word "try" in the context of Terry. Terry tends to be a very serious individual. She does laugh, she can appreciate humor but does not have what one would call a great sense of humor. Many things that break me up she sees no humor in whatsoever. As a result I would define her normal behavior as business like. This has lead some people to believe her to be cool, aloof, distant, and peculiar. Terry is a very private person. I find her to be warm, you just have to be tuned into her behavior.

Trying is a strength for Terry. I do not mean the word "try" in the sense of "trying new things." I mean "try" in the sense of making an effort to do the best you can given limited physical capability and strength. When shopping Terry will look things over, ponder and study trying to understand the features or contents always looking for the best value. Shopping for clothings leads to a close examination of seams, a search of the cloth for flaws. Always trying!

Working around the house means Terry often runs into problems with physical limitation. She is not physically strong, and being diabetic her stamina is a little short. But she tries! She is independent and hates to have to ask me to help her reach, hold, or lift something. Terry has a good understanding of her limitations and does not push herself too far. When she works on even things as mundane as yard work she is focused and tries.

I end up admiring her effort. She tries to understand things that may cause her some confusion. She tries to do work to lift burdens from me and be an equal of effective partner in our marriage. I don't ask that of her. All I can say is "the lady tries."

I love her for that.

Longing for security

I find myself sitting on the porch these days, drinking coffee and thinking about my childhood. I would characterize my life today as easy. The job I do is rewarding emotionally, it puts bread on the table and is as secure a job as I've every had. I will not grow rich, and I will probably have to work until my late 60's or early 70's to establish enough financial resources to protect our retirement. I do wonder about the long term outlook, my wife is a type I diabetic, but is remarkably symptom free according to her doctors. I recently had cancer surgery and the prognosis is excellent, no follow-up radiation or chemo-therapy was needed. Given what we know today Terry and I should live long, relatively healthful lives. However, that can change in a moment and what financial security we have be wiped out. It makes one think about the balance of saving for the future versus enjoying the fruits of a person's labor now. I'll still opt for the future.

This thinking makes me recall a time when security was the back seat of a car on a cold wintry night. Being from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and born and raised in a small community on the shore of Lake Superior I know snow and cold. My father owned and ran a small insurance firm and dabbled in real estate as he could. He never made much money, but I always had clothing, food and shelter and when you're young there is not much more than that.

My dad's brother lived in Marquette, MI some 50 miles West of Munising. My Dad's family were not close but several times a year we would journey to Marquette and have dinner with my uncle and his wife. The road (M-28) wound along the Lake Superior shoreline providing a spectacular view of the wildness of Lake Superior. One Sunday evening in particular, the year must've been around 1948-50, for I was quite small, we were returning from Marquette after spending the afternoon and evening with my Aunt and Uncle and cousins at their home in Marquette.

It was cold out. The kind of cold that especially penetrates clothing worn for a Sunday afternoon with relatives. In other words, were not dressed to be out in the cold for a long period of time. Driving back from Marquette in the dark one was aware of the isolation that exists in that part of the country. You do not pass many homes, and the shores of Lake Superior are not lit with street lights. The wind bites deep coming off The Lake and exposed necklines invite the cold breeze down your back.

In those days car heaters mainly warmed the front seating area. The warm air did flow over the front seat and warm the rear portion of the car, but as we know, heat rises. Therefore the floor board was usually cold making for cold feet. It was, as I said, a Sunday evening. I was full of good food, pleasant times and it was quiet int he car. Dad was smoking and R.G.Dun cigar and mother was sitting on the passenger side keeping watch for the unknown. The radio was on and on Sunday evening you would hear Fibber McGee & Molly, The Hornet, The Shadow, and other much listened to programs. The radio was tuned to the Marquette station and we listened to the Sunday evening fare. I was sitting in the back sea. After fifteen or twenty minutes the back seat area was warm enough to loosen your coat, but the floor was cold. So I lay down across the back seat with my feet up so I was nice and snuggy warm. There were a soft place for my head, my dad's cigar smoke gave off the familiar aroma, mom and dad talked quietly as adults do sometimes. The radio was providing entertainment and the instrument panel gave off a soft glow that slightly illuminated the front of the car, the back seat was dark. I lay in the dark traveling in our warm mobile cocoon, listening to the road noise, the sound of my parents talking and the radio adding to the background. It was nice, at that moment I remember feeling that nothing would ever happen that was bad. I was safe, secure and loved. It is a reassuring feeling and heartwarming at the same time.

As an adult when I've gone through rough times and had children of my own I remembered it was important for children to feel that security. To feel that things would be OK, even if Mom and Dad were a little unsure. I know that feeling, I return to it often in my thoughts. I appreciate that feeling and thanks to my loving parents knew peace and security at a young age. It is a shame that all can't.